OffRoad
by Clara
Summary: Yuffie, infamous for the fact that she is very unprincess-like, is approached wth a deal she isn't allowed to turn down. How on earth is a couple of Turks and the new President of Shin-Ra going to turn her into a suitable princess? (Recontinued)
1. Default Chapter

A/N: Don't worry, the original characters in this story don't play a major part. They're mainly just here for show. =) I'm not particularly fond of original characters.   
  
a note - i am a sarcastic humorist. bear with me. thanks to elly for bearing with me while i complained and bitched about this story. also for proofreading. Even though she hasn't yet. =) 

* * *

  
Mister Bunny was a very cautious rabbit. He never strayed far from his home or favorite clover patch, and never, not once, entered the realm of those noisy, grating creatures that clogged his precious air with smoke and other polluting substances. Oh no, not Mister Bunny. He was more than content with Misus Bunny and their handful of some fifty children (it was a wonder if the forgetful Mister Bunny could ever remember any of his children's names!).   
  
As said before, Mister Bunny was a very cautious about everything. Not only was he cautious, but he was, not surprisingly, neurotic. One might even venture to call him a spaz. But the careful were usually the smart, though. Mister Bunny couldn't count on his fuzzy little paws just _how_ many times he'd come back from his strenuous work at the cabbage patch to hear about how one of his many friends had been caught victim to those strange mechanical monsters. He also couldn't pretend he hadn't heard the dreamy whispers about what was on the other side of the blistering, sparkling, black land. However, unlike the other rabbits, there was no way he was going toy with fire. Those humongous, toxic spewing monsters practically lived on the glamorous black land, racing back and forth at mind-blowing speeds! No way, Mister Bunny was _much_ too prudent for that.   
  
Unfortunately, Mister Bunny wasn't exposed to the real world yet.   
  
"HELL YEAH!" a distinctly female voice crowed at the top of her lungs, accompanied by a loud roar. Since Mister Bunny hadn't been exposed to the real world, and he had no idea that those monsters were commonly known as 'cars' in the human world, he also did not know what off-roading meant.   
  
"To the seven gods above!" another voice cried in terror, but at that point it was impossible to distinguish the gender of the other character. The roar of the engine had become too loud.   
  
Mister Bunny was terrified. He had no idea which way to go, since he was not able to see the monster creating all that noise. To him it sounded like it was coming from all directions. He could feel the rocks tremble under his tiny toes and the dirt quivering in anticipation.   
  
Mister Bunny never had a chance.   
  
"YEAH!" the first voice shouted gleefully, and suddenly the monstrosity came into Mister Bunny's view. All the somewhat dull rabbit could do was stare.   
  
"Yuffie!" the second voice cried out. If one were to look into the surprisingly small car, they would see a young man clutching to the armrest for his dear life. And if one were to look even _closer_ at this rather attractive young man, they might notice that, surprisingly, his pupils were dilated to the point where only a small fraction of his gray irises could be seen. "Heavens! Slow _down_!"   
  
Unfortunately for Mister Bunny, this 'Yuffie' ignored the young man and all but sped up. Mister Bunny turned tail to flee, but almost as soon as he turned around, the monster was on top of him.   
  
Poor, poor Mister Bunny.   
  
A few minutes later, the small clearing was once again thrown back into its peaceful serenity, disturbed only by two long tire tracks indenting its once immaculate soil and a small, white rabbit lying between them. After a few moments, Mister Bunny regained his senses and pulled himself to his feet, his red eyes as wide and bug-eyed as they could get.   
  
Mister Bunny ran like all hell.   
  
If rabbits could smoke, Mister Bunny would have been on his second pack by now.   


* * *

**Off-Road**  
Chapter One: To be a princess. by Clara

* * *

  
"I hate you," the young man flat out growled as he shakily stepped out of the small car. He leaned heavily against the now-soiled door after slamming it shut, then raked his fingers through his messy hair. Yuffie grinned as she mimicked him, shutting the door much more carefully than he did.   
  
"Ah, stuff it. You know you had fun."   
  
"_Loathe_ you."   
  
"Aw, is my big brave cousin trembling?" Yuffie mocked, swiping a bit if mud from her side mirror. She frowned at her dirty finger for a moment, then wiped it on the side of her pants.   
  
"_Despise._"   
  
"Ha! I've rendered you to one word answers, cuz I'm so cool like that," Yuffie grinned smugly. Unnecessarily, she locked the doors.   
  
"Abhor."   
  
"See, now your vocabulary is just getting silly. Come on, we'll be late, and we don't want to leave daddy waiting."   
  
"No, of course we wouldn't," the young man agreed, after finding his vocal chords and making better use of them. "That way I can tell your dad what a complete lunatic you are!"   
  
Yuffie rolled her eyes. "Yeesh, Keilana, calm down. It's not like there was any other way to get here.."   
  
"Oh, I don't know," Keilana said with exaggerated calm. "The _road_ is the first thing that comes to mind, for me.."   
  
"And face all that traffic? Hell no. I can't understand why people don't carpool. I mean, it would be so much better for nature."   
  
"This coming from the girl who just went rocketing through what's supposed to be a dense forest area! _Forest_! I think you ran over at least twelve families of squirrels! Don't give me any of that 'save the nature' crap!" Keilana exploded. The young girl watched him with mock tolerance, before starting to walk to her original destination.   
  
"Those squirrels are becoming a nuisance, anyway. Too many of them, if you ask me. Lord knows they're spreading rabies or something to the more important animals, like rabbits." Irony was twisted, once in awhile.   
  
"Yuffie," Keilana heaved a great sigh, before following after the younger girl. "You're supposed to be a _princess_."   
  
"Yeah? You're point?"   
  
"I don't know," Keilana said, sarcastically, "but the last time I checked, trying to four-wheel in a small car wasn't in the job description for being a princess."   
  
Yuffie laughed uproariously at that, smacking Keilana with surprising strength for someone as small as her on the back. Keilana reeled a couple of steps forward, then glared at the smaller girl. "Job description! Ha! That's rich, Kei. You make it sound as if I can quit this _job_ whenever I want to!"   
  
A Freudian slip is more commonly known as a 'slip of the tongue'. This happens, of course, when someone accidentally says something that reflects on their unconscious thoughts. Yuffie practiced this technique at that moment when she made the quip about 'quitting her job'. Unfortunately, Keilana was too focused on being mad at her to notice her Freudian slip.   
  
As mature as Keilana liked to make himself appear to others, there were times when he was just as immature as the young girl walking in front of him. He was proving this theory right by giving Yuffie the silent treatment.   
  
Yuffie, however, seemed quite content with this. She was busy examining her homeland with proud eyes, hands jammed in the pockets of her rather baggy cargo pants. Before she knew it, she was at her father's temple.   
  
As much as her family got in her case about how she wasn't the stereotypical proper princess, this land was going to be _hers_. All hers. She would be _the_ most awesome ruler in the..   
  
"Yuffie Jezebel Kisaragi!"   
  
..world.   
  
Yuffie jumped, then was suddenly nose to nose with a very livid squarish face. She blinked a couple of times, almost unable to make the connection that the person in front of her was her father.   
  
"Hi, Godo!" Yuffie chirped rather cheerfully. A blind man could tell that her father was, to put it lightly, exasperated.   
  
"What on earth are you doing driving off-road?! In an automatic, no less!" the older man growled. The future leader of Wutai snuck an accusing look at Keilana, who just looked smug. "Do you realize how dangerous that is? That you could have gotten injured? You might have even hurt the car! Honestly..."   
  
Yuffie blinked at her father. His words were floating through one ear and right out the other. Actually, he amusingly sounded like the adults from that old cartoon she used to watch. What was the name of that show again?   
  
"...no respect? You might have hurt Keilana, too! Do you know how much trouble we would have gotten in if your cousin was in any way injured? Your uncle is _not_ a forgiving man, young lady!"   
  
Oh yeah. Peanuts. She always did like Snoopy.   
  
"..which is why I'm sending you away to get the proper training as a princess."   
  
Yuffie blinked. Then blinked again. For the hell of it, she blinked one more time. Her father had just completed a one-eighty and leapt completely off-tangent from his original rant. At least, she thought. So she hadn't been really listening to Godo..   
  
Hmm. How was she going to respond to this new predicament. Ah, yes.   
  
"WHAT?!"   
  
Godo winced. He had prepared himself for the tantrum he knew was come along with his order, but no amount of preparation could ready him for the banshee shriek that came from her lips.   
  
"You heard me right," Godo said sternly. Yuffie stared at him in flat out disbelief, and even Keilana looked surprised. Godo ignored them both. "Do you remember your friend, Reeve?"   
  
"Of course I remember Reeve! What does this have to do with anything, though?!" Yuffie paused and took a deep breath, preparing herself for a long-winded rant. Unfortunately, this gave Godo a chance to talk.   
  
"I had a chat with him."   
  
This knocked Yuffie off balance. In fact, if she hadn't been such an awesome ninja (as she told herself every day), she would have probably collapsed in surprise. "Wh-what? Y-you hate anything that has to do with Shin-Ra.." Her rant momentarily fell from her mouth with a 'woosh' of breath.   
  
"He wouldn't stop pestering me, actually," Godo said, sounding a little uncomfortable. Yuffie silently chalked one up for Reeve. "He brought up the keen point on how you would need the proper training for being a princess.."   
  
Yuffie destroyed the point she had chalked up for Reeve and made it impossible for any other points to be upped for him.   
  
"..and somehow managed to convince me, after several hours, to allow you to be trained under him."   
  
"WHAAAAAAAT?!"   
  
Keilana smacked his hands over his sensitive, slightly pointed ears and winced. Yuffie had a wonderful set of lungs on her.   
  
"But.. but..!" Yuffie spluttered, windmilling her arms slightly. To say her father caught her by surprise would be putting it lightly. Very lightly. "But you _hate_ Shin-Ra! Despise it! Loathe it! _Abhor_ it! Wutai had a _war_ with it!" she cried, using a bit of her newly learned vocabulary. "Why on earth would you want to send your only daughter there?!"   
  
"Hated the old Shin-Ra," Godo corrected passively. "And Reeve was a bit.. ah.. persuasive."   
  
"What did he do, threaten you?" Yuffie snorted in disgust.   
  
"No, blackmail."   
  
This time, Yuffie's disgust turned genuine. Of course. Leave it to her father. "I don't get it, though! Why would Reeve.. the new leader of Shin-Ra, of all people, would want to train _me_!"   
  
"That," Godo said, relieved to see that Yuffie's puzzlement temporarily replaced her anger. That gave him time to escape, "is for you to find out on your own. You will be leaving Friday evening, so I suggest getting everything packed." With that note of finality, Godo quickly walked off before Yuffie could remember her fury.   
  
Unfortunately for Keilana, who was just standing there in surprise, she remembered it rather quickly.   
  
Ensue chaos.   
  
*   
  
Friday rolled around much to quickly for Yuffie's comfort, and before she knew it she found herself sitting on her favorite bridge and waiting for her doom to arrive. Keilana was sitting beside her quietly, not speaking in fear of being subjected to her infamous temper.   
  
"Wutai hates Shin-Ra," Yuffie growled, startling Keilana. "So what does Wutai do? Send their future leader to be trained under them. I don't get it. Even though Reeve is a friend, _why_ does he want to train me, and _why_ is my father letting him? What's this blackmail Reeve's got on him? Lord, Kei, I'm going to go insane."   
  
"Reeve is a friend," Keilana repeated. Yuffie nudged a pebble she was playing around with into the placid water, disturbing a koi fish.   
  
"Yeah?"   
  
"Then why are you so dead-set on not going?"   
  
Yuffie snorted. She was not about to explain practically her whole life story to her cousin. Besides, she had.. other reasons for why she didn't want to go.   
  
"No good reason?" Keilana guessed. She glared at him, but didn't answer. "I'm surprised, actually. I thought you'd be jumping at the chance to get out of here. I mean, you leave every chance you get, what makes this time any different?"   
  
"You wouldn't understand," Yuffie growled. "You're not a princess."   
  
For a moment, Keilana understood. Wisely, though, he kept his mouth shut.   
  
Another thing that bugged Yuffie that she would never tell her surrogate brother (they had been very close as children, so she had named him her brother even though they were already cousins) was that although her subjects seemed mildly disappointed at her departure, that was about it. They seemed to agree in unison that training would be good for her.   
  
That annoyed her to no end. Was she not good enough for the people of Wutai? Sure, she was a little.. eccentric..   
  
Before she could continue this disturbing line of thoughts, she was interrupted by a loud chopping sound and a heavy gust of wind. Not to her surprise, a jet black helicopter came into view, then sped overhead to land in the clearing Yuffie and Keilana had previously careened through.   
  
Poor Mister Bunny. If a rabbit could be an alcoholic, Mister Bunny would be popping the cap off a Jack Daniel's right about now.   
  
Yuffie dropped her head in her hands, letting out a long groan. "Kei, tell me this is all a bad dream and that I'll wake up, all safe and snug in my bed? Please?"   
  
Much too soon, the roar of the helicopter died and excited shouts came from the clearing. Yuffie briefly wondered if she could will these strangers from her land with her non-existent psychic power. She wasn't surprised when those voices came closer. To her displeasure, her father's voice was among this disarray of voices.   
  
Keilana placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Hey, kid, you never know. Maybe this experience will turn out for the best."   
  
"As if," Yuffie snorted, then pulled herself to her feet. She glanced down at her taller cousin and offered him a half-hearted, crooked grin. "Well, I'll see you when I see you, Kei." She picked up her large duffel bag and stomped towards her doom.   
  
Keilana sighed, then wondered if this 'Reeve' person would be able to handle his overzealous cousin for more than a day. Then he wondered if there was any way he could tape Yuffie's visitation. He needed a good laugh.   
  
*   
  
"Hello!" Reeve greeted cheerfully when he saw the young princess. He couldn't help glancing over Yuffie, not in a way a man might check out a woman, but in a way to.. observe her. She didn't pull off the 'princess' status in appearances, that was for sure. She had kept her hair in a rakish crop-cut, and the outfit she was wearing was entirely unflattering. He mentally sighed. Even as she approached eighteen years old, she still hadn't grown out of her tomboyish stage. However, the beginnings of a rather lovely young lady were peeking through those defying gray blue eyes, and she was much more developed than she was when she was sixteen. That was a start.   
  
"Yo," Yuffie almost growled, her hands still jammed in her pockets. As if to silently spite him, she slouched. Reeve snorted. Yes, he most definitely was going to have his work cut out for him, especially since she was so determined on making this as hard as she could for him.   
  
"Are you all set?" Reeve asked politely. Yuffie and he had been able to form tenuous friendship over the past years, but he could see it being strained by his sudden disturbance of her life. But he wasn't about to let the ties of this friendship get in the way of his future plans.   
  
Yuffie sighed and silently nodded, slumping over a bit further.   
  
"Groovy!"   
  
Yuffie choked. "Did you.. did you just say.. 'groovy'?" she asked. A tentative smile was touching her lips, and Reeve had the uncomfortable feeling that she was going to start laughing at him.   
  
"Yes, is there something wrong with that?" he asked as he led her into the black helicopter. Black is not the right color to paint anything that flies that close as close as it did to the sun, keep in mind.   
  
"Man, Reeve, get in the now," Yuffie said waspishly as she followed him, hauling along her oversized bag. "Groovy was soooo last century."   
  
Unfortunately, in all her dismay at having to leave her home and be trained as a princess, Yuffie had forgotten about how she always got motion sick.   
  
Heat, noise, and the bumpity-bump of the helicopter mix well together to make a healthy concoction of the worst motion sickness Yuffie ever had in her life.   
  
*   
  
To save some from the gruesome detail of the flight (Yuffie had gone through several paper bags throughout the trip), they landed a good two hours after they took off, much to Yuffie's dismay. Two hour was a long time.   
  
However, as soon as the helicopter landed, Yuffie somehow regained her use of her legs and fled from the stuffy 'copter, trembling from head to toe. She hated.. _hated_ flying.   
  
To her surprise, she was standing in the middle of a plush green field filled with every flower imaginable. A devious smile touched her lips.   
  
..She wanted her car. Driving, for some reason, never made her motion sick. Even though one would hesitate to call her the safest driver in the world..   
  
Okay, so they would deny it ruthlessly. Whichever.   
  
Unfortunately, though, her car was a good thousand miles away from her at the moment. That reminded her of her current situation, in which she decided that glaring at her 'captor' was the best possible pastime. Too bad for her, though, as Reeve just ignored her and started walking towards a rather.. polite looking town. Stuffy, if she wanted to be rude.   
  
With a tall building right smack in the middle of it.   
  
"You haven't disappointed me, Reeve," Yuffie said caustically, shouldering her huge duffel bag and swallowing the remnants of the corrosive bile biting at the back of her throat. "Your company is just as noxious as usual."   
  
"Save your smartass comments for your teachers," Reeve said most irritably. Anyone would be irritable if they had to spend two hours with a whining brat.   
  
"Teachers?" Yuffie repeated in surprise. "But.. but.. I thought.."   
  
"That I was going to teach you?" Reeve asked, chuckling as they started to walk towards the town. "Really, Yuffie, I'm much too busy to teach. But don't worry, I'll come and visit you often. However.."   
  
"Reeve!" a surprisingly, terrifyingly, and down right nerve-wrackingly familiar voice cried.   
  
"..here's one of your teachers. Hello, Elena!"   
  
Yuffie screamed internally.   
  
Elena appeared into view, her sun-ripened blonde hair windblown; half from the slight breeze that danced over the field, and half from running towards the helicopter. The pilot of the helicopter abruptly took to the air, almost ironically, and tossed all their hair in a frenzy. It was almost as if the pilot wanted to add to Yuffie's already hideous day.   
  
Elena stopped her mad dash towards Reeve and stared at Yuffie, before whirling on the other man. Her face was a picture of fury. "When you said I was going to have to help teach some girl how to be a proper young lady, I didn't think you meant some Avalanche brat!" Elena bit out after the helicopter disappeared over the trees, folding her arms over her chest. Yuffie glared back at the girl, informing her through her eyes that she would also rather be anywhere but there. But that went unnoticed, since Elena wasn't paying attention to her.   
  
Reeve opened his mouth to say something, but Yuffie beat him to it. "You.. you have no idea what you're doing, do you?" Yuffie asked, eyes widening in sudden realization. The new president of Shin-Ra took a step back in surprise. "This.. this is just an elaborate plan to.."   
  
Elena's and Reeve's eyes both dilated in shock. When had this girl gotten so smart?   
  
"..to kidnap me!" Yuffie finished with flourish. Both Reeve and Elena practically fell over in comic disbelief.   
  
"Forget her being smart," Reeve commented, his eye twitching. "She's nothing but a spoiled brat!" He sighed, then pulled himself up with much dignity, brushing himself off. "I'll let you handle her." With those final words, Reeve hurried off, trying to make it look as if he wasn't running from the two girls. Elena shot a dirty look at his back.   
  
"Hey! HEY! You owe me some explanations! Don't you DARE run away from me!" Yuffie hollered, chasing after Reeve. Elena stood still for a couple of moments, then sighed.   
  
This definitely did not come in the job description of being a Turk.   
  
.:end chapter one:.   
  
Don't get me wrong. I love Elena. She's hilarious. Sorry for the re-upload. Some mistakes were just pissing me off too much. 


	2. Devil in Blue

Don't let the long break between updates fool you. I WILL be updating more frequently.   
  
--   
  
Reno was stuck. He knew this would happen, his co-workers new this would happen—hell, even the people he walked by on the street knew it would happen. It was inevitable. But Reno would never turn down a challenge, despite all the warnings he got. So, of course, he dove in head first. He didn't think of the consequences or take any precautions; he just threw everything to the wind and did it.   
  
"Mmf."   
  
Which led him to now. Him being stuck, that is.   
  
"Mmmf. Mmf!"   
  
Rude looked impassively over at his friend, eyes shielded with his black sunglasses. He had been the first one to warn Reno about his actions, but did the red-head ever listen? No, of course not. The bald Turk sighed and spared one last look at the struggling Turk, before turning his eyes back to the door.   
  
"I don't pity you in the slightest," Rude commented in his low voice.   
  
".."   
  
"You were the one who got yourself into this mess, in spite of the many times I told you not to do it. It's your fault."   
  
"Mmf! MMF!"   
  
"No, I will not help you."   
  
Reno puzzled over how the bald Turk could have possibly understood him, before continuing to try and pry the lollipop from his mouth. The sweet treat had somehow melted against his teeth, making it impossible to even open his mouth, let alone get the damn candy out. He sighed through his nose, giving up for the fifth time in the past ten minutes, and slumped back against the chair. The wrapper of the candy—which said in bold, green letters the word 'CAUTION'—lay harmlessly across his knee.   
  
He really should learn how to follow orders one day.   
  
"Hm."   
  
"Mmf?"   
  
"I think I heard something."   
  
Reno cocked his head to the side. Indeed, there was an incessant high-pitched sound. It was faint, but still there if you listened carefully.   
  
Suddenly, there was the crash of something slamming open, and the high-pitched noise got considerably closer and changed to the form of words. Decidedly pissed off words, actually.   
  
"How dare you drag me off from my perfectly normal life to teach me how to be a princess! What do YOU know about being a princess, huh?! You're a GUY!"   
  
The two male Turks exchanged glances.   
  
"How come I have a feeling.." Rude started, voicing Reno's thoughts, "that we're not going to like what's going to happen in the next few moments?"   
  
True to Rude's words, the door to the room Reno and Rude were lounging in slammed open and a wary looking Reeve stomped in. Someone behind him, but apparently someone ridiculously small (since the two Turks couldn't see them behind Reeve's broad frame), was shouting out words that would make even the surliest sailors blush. However, there were no sailors in the nearby vicinity, and the only reaction that came from Reno and Rude were quirked eyebrows.   
  
"Bring home a banshee, Reeve?" Reno asked. Actually, since his teeth were still stuck together, it came out as, "mmf mfff mf meef, meefff?"   
  
Reeve looked bewildered, and then glanced at Rude for an explanation. Rude, calmly, pointed to the lollipop stick jutting out of Reno's mouth and Reeve nodded in understanding. The 'banshee', meanwhile, had silenced, but seemed to decide it was safer behind the new president of Shin-Ra.   
  
"Sir," Rude said, ignoring Reno. He craned his neck a little, trying to see behind Reeve. "What was so important that you, of all people, had to fetch?" It wasn't every day the President of Shin-Ra would drop everything he was doing to do a menial task usually reserved for the Turks.   
  
"An old friend." Reeve's lips twisted into a smile that held little mirth in it. Both Turks straightened, and Reeve stepped to the side.   
  
Gray clashed with green, and with a teeth wrenching jerk, Reno yanked the lollipop out of his mouth. He didn't even wince.   
  
"YOU."   


* * *

**Off-Road**  
Chapter Two: Devil in Blue  
By Clara

* * *

  
The brief meetings Reno and Yuffie had during the AVALANCHE and Turk wars were just the beginning. The two were like north and south ends of two different magnets, seeming to attract one another and meet at the most untimely moments.   
  
One time Reno was having dinner with a rather attractive woman. For once, he hadn't picked up a random lady at a bar—he was on a mission. This particular lady, who went by the name Jenna Goodnight, had been accused of pilfering over two-million gil from a rich fatty from Costa del Sol. Fatty hired the Turks to catch her and get his money back, promising a hefty sum for her life. He was doing a good job of getting her drunk and having her open up to him when unexpectedly a bundle of energy that was teenaged sized skidded into the classy restaurant from the kitchen. She was being followed by a group of pissed off looking chefs wielding steak knives and..   
  
..was holding enough food to feed a seven nation army. She even had a biscuit in her mouth.   
  
Reno blinked. "Yuffie?"   
  
Gray clashed with green once again, and suddenly Yuffie was at his side, dropping the huge quantity of food on the table. She flung her arms around his neck, surprising everyone and Reno. He glanced down at her, mouth open but too stunned to make proper use of it.   
  
"Reno, love!" Yuffie crowed, tracing small circles on the base of his neck with her finger. He shivered. "I was just looking for you! Where have you been?"   
  
"Wh.. wh.."   
  
Jenna stared at them with ice in her eyes and cleared her throat. Yuffie, startled, finally noticed the other girl. A cruel smile momentarily flashed across her lips, but it disappeared before it could be noticed by anyone other than Reno.   
  
_Uh oh.._   
  
"Reno!" Yuffie screeched, wrapping the cloth of his fancy shirt in her fists and yanking him towards her. Her face was twisted in fury. "How could you! After all these years together! And our baby.. our sweet little angel.. how the hell could you betray her with this.. this TRAMP?!"   
  
The majority of the restaurant was now watching with interest. Reno, on the other hand, was staring down at Yuffie with more than a little shock. Unfortunately, this shock was misinterpreted for surprise at being caught.   
  
"Look what I've turned into! Having to steal from bloody restaurants to have a nice meal!" The fury, like magic, was replaced by a flood of tears. Reno had to hand it to her—she could win an Oscar with her performance. The crying earned her sympathetic looks from most of the diners, and deadly ones at Reno from the rest. Reno's look turned dry.   
  
"That's IT! I'm leaving you! And I hope you know, you SUCK in bed!" With a parting sob, Yuffie swept up her food and fled from the scene amidst a wave of applause. The cooks just stood there, apparently not knowing what to do.   
  
Reno looked at Jenna, still wearing a dry look, and was met by a cupful of water to the face. He finally let a grimace slip as Jenna stormed out after Yuffie. For a long time, Reno just sat there. He was stunned over the messy reunion with the AVALANCHE girl and the important mission that was just botched. _Terribly._ The waiter came by and dropped the bill on the table, not meeting eyes with Reno.   
  
He sighed, finally, and stood up, reaching into his back pocket to pull out his wallet and pay for the bill.   
  
It wasn't there.   
  
Yuffie took it.   
  
Reno stood there, mind blank, then took the safest route and beat the hell out of there.   
  
But that wasn't the only time they met. After that, they had several more hit and run collisions, one purposely messing up whatever the other was doing, then fleeing before they could have a proper fight. Not that it would have been proper, anyway, since one was a ninja and the other beat people on the head with a stick.   
  
But now the two were standing across each other in a very dinky room, staring at each other with wide eyes. Surprise, though, was not evident on either face. Reno was too dignified for that, and Yuffie had known he was going to be there. But it was still.. weird. It meant they couldn't escape.   
  
This time.   
  
"Well, well, well. If it isn't Yuffie Kisaragi," Reno said, stepping closer to the smaller girl. His voice was rather thick from the lollipop. "Long time no see. I believe you still owe me my wallet."   
  
Yuffie folded her arms over her chest, eyes narrowed. The others in the room, now joined by a flustered looking Elena, watched with rather bemused expressions.   
  
The ninja turned her nose up in the air. "I don't know what you're talking about," she sniffed. Reno's fingers twitched, as if he wanted to grab something. Like her neck.   
  
"Is this a reunion of sorts?" Reeve cut in. The homicidal urges were thick in the air and he felt the need to interrupt. He didn't want his charges to murder each other, after all. "Should we break out the party hats?"   
  
Leave it to Reeve to crack a stupid joke to try and lighten the mood. The two turned as one to glance at Reeve with bland expressions.   
  
"What is she doing here?" Reno asked at last. His voice was surprisingly level.   
  
"Why," Reeve said cheerfully, beaming, "she's your new mission! And here I thought I briefed you, sorry, I must have forgotten. I did tell Elena, though. Anyway, you're to train this young lady in the proper way of being a princess.."   
  
"What kind of crack-pot idea is that?!" Reno roared, his built up emotions towards the girl finally exploding like a dam. Sadly, none of these emotions were good. "You want us.. the _Turks_.. to teach _her_ how to be a _princess_?! That's like.. that's like a toddler trying to teach a monkey how to write!"   
  
"Hey!" Yuffie yelped. "I am NOT a monkey!"   
  
He turned his steely gaze to her. "You're right. Monkeys are much more attractive than _you_."   
  
This, of course, spurred a biting argument between the two, which was pretty much just who could yell creative obscenities the loudest. The other occupants of the room lost interest quickly, instead turning to each other with amused annoyance.   
  
"Jeez, I wonder how those two.." Elena was cut off by a rather original expletive that escaped Yuffie's mouth, and grimaced. Rude, however, smirked, while Reeve just shook his head. "..met."   
  
"Reno said something about her stealing his wallet after she fucked up one of his missions," Rude murmured, turning to look at the other two. They were getting uncomfortably loud.   
  
"And there was that beach incident with the ants.."   
  
"Reno's new motorcycle.."   
  
"Yuffie's entire wardrobe.. I still wonder how Reno managed to pull that one off.."   
  
"Okay, okay!" Elena interrupted. "I don't even know why I bother, sometimes.."   
  
There was a sudden screech and the three immediately spun back to the quarreling couple. Yuffie had her hand securely wrapped around Reno's ponytail and was yanking as hard as she could while, in retaliation, Reno had his teeth sunk into her shoulder.   
  
"Nofairlemmegoyoubigdumbjerk! Biting is against the rules! AAAGH!" She pounded on his shoulder with her free hand while still yanking his ponytail. Reno, of course, just bit harder.   
  
The trio stared at them mildly, then turned once again to each other.   
  
"How does ice cream sound?" Reeve asked.   
  
"I'm all for it," Elena chirped. Rude nodded in agreement, and the three made a hasty escape. Reno and Yuffie, too caught up in trying to kill each other, didn't notice.   
  
Unfortunately, them leaving meant that the two enemies were alone. After a few moments of severe pain, there was an unspoken truce and they released each other, one reaching up to rub the back of his head and the other clutching her now extremely bruised shoulder. They glared at each other darkly.   
  
"You are SUCH an insufferable prick," Yuffie growled. He narrowed his eyes further at her.   
  
"Look who's talking, brat," he snarled back. "Grow up."   
  
"YOU grow up!"   
  
"As much as I'd like to continue this witty repartee, punk, I have more important things to do. Like playing in traffic," Reno grumbled, still rubbing the back of his head. As far as he was concerned, pulling hair was the lowest of the low.   
  
Yuffie threw the nearest object she could grab at him, which happened to be a plastic spoon. It hit its mark, of course. Reno responded merely by flipping her off.   
  
*   
  
He was having one hell of a day.   
  
"Stupid weeds," he growled, swinging a stick to hack at the weeds that were up to his chest. "Whenever I remember who the hell I am, I'm starting a new program called 'Pave the Earth'."   
  
Talking to himself had become one of his favorite pastimes. He wasn't that good of company, unfortunately, but it was better than the oppressing silence.   
  
He had been wandering around for a couple of days now, having just left Wutai where, for some reason, he hadn't been given the warmest welcome. Well, they didn't even bother to speak to him at all, merely shying away and giving him frightened or pissed off looks. When he tried to ask them if they knew who he was, they simply sneered at him and walked away. Perhaps it would be better if he _didn't_ know who he was.   
  
To his surprise, his stick hit something soft. The soft thing jerked, and the man frowned, carefully parting the weeds to look at what he had hit. What surprised him even more was the rabbit that stared up at him with beady, terrified eyes. It had its front paw stuck in a hole.   
  
"What the hell?" he asked no one in particular. The rabbit twitched, its ears moving this way and that. "Hey now, little fella, got your paw stuck, didn't you?"   
  
Mr. Bunny bared his teeth. He wasn't having a good existence, at the moment.   
  
"Quit squirming for a moment and let me help you." The tall man crouched beside him, carefully pulling his paw from the hole. Mr. Bunny blinked in confusion as the human gently released him, then didn't bother him anymore.   
  
Well.   
  
"Hey. Run along now, stupid. I already helped you."   
  
Mr. Bunny, as unintelligent as he was, was extremely loyal. This.. human had saved him from being a potential lunch for a hungry fox. He hopped up to the man and stared at him, looking as cute as a neurotic, would-be narcotic alcoholic bunny could.   
  
"Brave one, are you?" the man asked, then smiled crookedly. "All right, I was getting lonely anyway."   
  
And with that, the man started walking again, Mr. Bunny following dutifully after.   
  
*   
  
Yuffie sighed and rubbed her temples. She had been in the same room for a good hour and a half now, having to listen to Elena drone on about how to act like a proper princess. Of course, the blonde girl was reading off of a paper, which made this experience even more boring. Thankfully, though, Elena seemed to be as bored as she.   
  
"Are you listening to me, Yuffie?" Elena snapped, smacking the paper back down on the table. It was amazing how people could change after a couple of years. Yuffie clearly remembered when the two of them had been shoved together unwillingly when that pervert Corneo had gotten his slimy paws on them. The two, unlike the other harem of girls that Corneo had snagged, viciously screamed at any man who came to near to them and fought like wild animals until they had to be sedated. During that time, Elena and Yuffie had formed a tentative friendship, created by their common hatred towards Corneo.   
  
Now, however, it seemed as if the girl wanted nothing to do with her. Yuffie couldn't blame her, though, since she would feel the same way if someone told her to drop everything she was doing and teach her former enemy how to be a princess. She sighed again and put elbows on the table, earning a dark look from Elena. The Turk picked up her papers and ruffled them with something akin to superiority.   
  
"Hey, Elena," Yuffie said before the girl could snap at her for her elbows. "This is boring. Let's do something else."   
  
"This is also my paycheck," Elena countered, but she put the paper down. She was looking at Yuffie shrewdly. "And what else could we do?"   
  
"_Anything_," Yuffie said almost desperately, then sighed. "I really hate this, you know."   
  
"It isn't exactly my cup of tea either," was the blonde's snide reply. Yuffie chose to ignore it, instead standing up.   
  
"..Where does Reno stay?" she asked with perfect innocence.   
  
Elena blinked, then gave Yuffie a shrewd look. "Why?"   
  
"Got any whipped cream?"   
  
*   
  
It wasn't the first time Reno came home to a good dozen people surrounding his apartment complex. Usually he had jaded some lady into totally trashing his apartment for some reason or another, but this time it was different. This time, his stomach turned over nervously.   
  
Something bad happened.   
  
Something _really_ bad.   
  
Frowning, he bypassed the crowd and hurried up the flight of stairs to his apartment. His door was slightly open and..   
  
There was a disco ball.   
  
And blow up dolls dressed in _his_ suits.   
  
And whipped cream, everywhere.   
  
"_YUFFIE!!!_"   
  
*   
  
At precisely three in the morning Yuffie shot to a sitting position, one hand grasping her left ear. She looked around in confusion, for a moment completely confused by her surroundings, before the events of the past couple of days sluggishly crawled back into her brain. She groaned. At least they put her in a nice hotel room.   
  
Pushing up the strap to her tank top, she rolled out of bed and stretched. Hm. Something woke her up. She wasn't quite sure, though, just what it was.   
  
She looked at the television. Off.   
  
She looked at her PHS. Off. Sheepishly, she reached over and clicked it on.   
  
She looked at her digital clock, then turned the alarm off.   
  
Then she heard it. Someone was pounding incessantly on her door. She growled in surprise and stalked towards it, swinging it open.   
  
A disheveled looking Reno glared down at her and she blinked in slight surprise. It was the first time she had ever seen him in normal clothing, even though that 'normal' clothing consisted of a thinning white shirt and a pair of gray cargos.   
  
"Yooou fucking little bitch."   
  
Yuffie beamed at him.   
  
"You destroyed my flat," he continued, voice low and dangerous. "You _also_ destroyed half of my wardrobe. You..." He stopped suddenly, eyes flicking down, then back up to her face. Some of the anger was gone, replaced with apathy. "...You aren't wearing a bra."   
  
Yuffie slammed the door in his face.   
  
For a moment there was nothing but silence. That, of course, was interrupted by Reno hammering on the door. She pondered calling the cops for a moment, then shoved _that_ idea away when she realized he could have very well ratted on her for vandalizing his home.   
  
Scowling, she swung the door open. Reno was leaning against the frame, his arm crooked over his head. When he saw her, he grinned.   
  
"So, are you not wearing any underwear, either?"   
  
Again, Yuffie slammed the door. Or tried to, at least. He managed to sneak his foot between the door and the frame, then used his shoulder to shove the door open.   
  
"Quit being a brat," he grumbled, strolling in as if it were...well, _not_ three in the morning. He moved over to her bed and sat down on it, then bent over and started untying his shoes.   
  
"Hey. HEY! What the _hell_ do you think you're doing, Turk?!" Yuffie shrieked, slamming the door shut and stomping up to him.   
  
"Getting ready for bed, _Pumpkin_." He looked up at her, green eyes glinting dangerously. "If you don't remember, you signed your name with three cans of whipped cream on my bed, and then proceeded to make the _rest_ of my sheets into toga's for your little blow up doll harem."   
  
"So go to Rude's house!"   
  
"No."   
  
"What do you mean, no?!" She stomped her foot. "Get out!"   
  
"No. You ruined my house, _you_ deal with it."   
  
Yuffie tried to think of reasons about why he should get the hell out of her house. It would start rumors. It was morally incorrect. She hated him. He hated her.   
  
"...you're sleeping on the floor," she snarled, then crawled onto the other side of the bed. She could practically feel the waves of smugness wafting from his slender form as he completely ignored her and stretched out at her side.   
  
"Goodnight, Snookums."   
  
"Please die."   
  
_end chapter two_   
  
Yeah. I know. "WTF, it took you a YEAR to write that?!" Well, no. I didn't think I was gonna go anywhere with the fic, so I just...left it. Then felt like writing a Reffie and...continued it. Yay. 


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